The Adversarial System Divorce and the Collaborative Process Divorce

At the outset of a decision to divorce, significant questions may wish to be asked by divorcing people, so they might steer themselves in the direction of what they most value. How one divorces, in addition to the content of the divorce, can say much about what is most important, what do I value most.

Questions that might be asked are:

What do I want my children to think and to know about me, perhaps for years after the divorce is final.

If there are there are no children, what is the legacy I want to leave with my friends, my larger social community and for myself.

What do I value in relationship, this one and future relationships?

Do I want to act on my hurt and resentment, and do I want to bring these qualities to the greater world at large?

How best can I bring peace to my heart in the face of this most difficult dynamic of divorce?

How best can I be the example of what I want to see for my community and larger world?

While the answers to such questions are not black or white, at least my intention can be clear. When my intention is clear, then it also becomes clear where I have planted my personal flag.