Decision Making Around Divorce

In such significant, life altering areas as whether to end a marriage, or if a decision to end a marriage seems to have already been made, it is important to know whether the choice was made from a place of clarity or confusion. We need not focus on clarity here, since this state of mind points to a path where doubt is not operative and an open way forward is the predominant sense.

However, confusion around such decisions can be painful and anxiety producing and may result in a feeling of being struck and going nowhere. It can be very helpful to have a way to personally approach a significant decision like the decision to divorce, or even a decision around any aspect of the divorce process, such as whether to use a collaborative divorce process or mediation or litigation; or, how to treat an ex-spouse; or, what kind of attitude do you want in a Tucson divorce attorney; or, whether to proceed with a “take no prisoners” mentality or one that will support preserving an appropriate and cooperative relationship with an ex-spouse, especially if that person is the other parent to your children. These and many others are the kinds of decisions where guidance in the midst of confusion can be helpful.

One way to help become clear where confusion seems to reign, is to know what are our larger choices and how to apply them to the specific decision at hand. We can be helped here by recounting the Cherokee fable told by an elder to his grandson. The fable is about a battle that goes on inside people when making certain decisions, whether large or (seemingly) small. The elder says: “My grandson, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One wolf is the animal of Suffering; it is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, false pride, lies, superiority and all the negative aspects of ego.”

“The other wolf is the animal of Peace; it is love, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The young boy thought about what his grandfather said and then asked, “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee replied: “The one you feed.”

For us, in our own decision making of all kinds and at all levels, what wolf do we feed when we choose this path or that one? When that answer is clear, the decision can make itself.